Important Disclaimer

Since I currently have several employers/supervisors/churches/etc., please know that none of the words on my blog represent them or their beliefs. This blog is my own creation.

It also does not represent my children's perspective, nor my mother's; they think I am funny, but misguided.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Inside Outed


There is a moment when you are pulling your shirt over your head at the end of a day. The shirt is half off and your arms are twisted in the sleeves. You can't see a thing, eyes momentarily veiled by cloth, torso bared. You're inside outed, as my kids would say. To be in the church and be out as queer, it's the same moment: inside outed.

I've been wary for a long time of being out publicly. Y'all know why--everything's at risk for queer folk in the church. The fight over sexual and gender expression is inscribed on queer bodies and queer souls, and I don't like to be used like that. A thousand reasons to hide, to get through, to pass, to duck and cover, to straighten up and toe the line. It's called survival. It's called none of your business.  Like many others I've avoided being out, especially in the church, where who and how I love might be used for someone else's righteous satisfaction--as if who and how I love is any different than you.



I was reminded by straight friends that it is National Coming Out Day tomorrow. Many of the people I love are coming out as lgbtq allies. I wasn't going to participate in this day--I have a thousand reasons not to. But when I realized that I was afraid, I got angry. Angry that the church I love has the power to tie my stomach in knots. Angry at the knowledge that people will use this post as a weapon. Angry enough to want to strip the power to control my words and actions from those who believe love is sinful.  Angry that teenage boys and girls will come out tomorrow with the world's encouragement, and then the next day find themselves harassed and bullied until they can't stand to live anymore. Angry that I might lose my job.

So then let me claim it and be done. I am queer and I am ordained. And I am unrepentant of both.

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. ~1 John 4:7-8

34 comments:

  1. Hey girl!

    How I relate to this. I remember the same feelings myself. It is this tight rope you know that you need to walk because of various reasons. However, the feelings you talk about here come up that frustrate you by it all. Anyway, I relate and know. Prayers to you!

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  2. You are queer, you are ordained, you are awesome, you are loved.

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  3. I love you, Katie. The truth is good, and the truth has set you free.

    xo, SL (aka suzigurl)

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  4. Awesome. God bless you. This straight, white, male Baptist blesses you in this. Well done, good and faithful servant.

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  5. Joining the public chorus of those for whom you have been a presence of faith, passion and hope . . . as well as a good giggle every once in a while. Glad to count you has a friend!

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  6. Katie, good for you! May you be blessed. i remember my coming out lifted a weight off of my shoulders. i hope the same is for you!

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  7. Be brave, my friend! Know that you are loved!

    "If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living."
    - Marcus Annaeus Seneca

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  8. Grateful to share this moment and all the moments that lie ahead. Might we all love, reach for others and risk when needed. Nicely done.

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  9. Katie, I love you. You're my sister and my friend. Even though we walk different spiritual paths, we are kindred spirits, you and I, and I support you.

    Love,
    Katie

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  10. Words fail to express the WOW I felt reading your eloquent words. I appreciate your courage!

    Gratefully,

    Rev. Renie Stamm-Kirk
    Pastor Community Congregational UCC, Benicia, CA
    who is queer and ordained. And unrepentant of both.

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  11. Thank you for your brave, wonderful words!

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  12. and it just gets better from here. Mel White spoke at out Solidarity Service tonight, along with religious leaders from Lynchburg. Three others told their coming out stories. Be true to your identity and you'll weather every storm. Be true to yourself in the church and you'll bear witness with integrity.

    Thank God for your ministry!

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  13. Katie, I don't know what the outcome will be of your sharing and I can't make your real and deserved fears go away. However, I want you to know that I will stand by your side or wherever you need me regardless of what comes. You are held by a circle of love, justice, and integrity. I hope you can bask in the light that integrity and love bring.

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  14. Thank you for your boldness and your faith; they encourage us all.

    I have shared your statement with my friend at The God Article on FB. Please know we all stand with you be we gay or straight.

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  15. Bless you. I've never met you, but someone so beautifully honest is sure to have love in her life. Love of good friends, love of our Father. I wish for you that you are always loved and always feel it in your life.
    ~Shelly

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  16. AMEN!

    A friend directed me to your post. I am queer and under care in the PC(USA). (as is my partner!)

    As one trying to openly maneuver through the process, I appreciate your bravery, your presence in the church, and your unwavering affirmation that we should be the people God has created us to be.

    Thank you!

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  17. I don't know you; a friend of mine posted the link to this on Facebook. But I'm sending loving support. Thank you for your courageous honesty.

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  18. You are an amazing and gifted woman. The church is better because of you! Thank you for your inspiration.

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  19. You rock, Katie. I'm glad (and proud) to call you my friend!

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  20. pro-you.i had posted as ally on FB, it angers me that a couple i know could be seperated since one of them has no citizenship and can not marry her partner and gain it like a straight couple. it angers me that ive got family members who i still love, who have hatred in their hearts for gay folks...why? it angers me that supposedly religious people pick up outdated cultural norms as a basis of religion

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  21. Katie, I believe Katie B. (hi, Katie! *waves*) said what I wanted to say, if more eloquently. I love you and I am beyond proud to call you sister.

    *HUGS* <3

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  22. Neither the PC(USA) nor the church catholic has a proscription against homosexuals in ordained ministry. (Just as there is no proscription against heterosexuals in ordained ministry.) There is only the Scriptural warrant that one remain faithful in marriage (defined as one man and one woman) or chaste (abstinent) in singleness.

    God grant you chastity and celibacy. (James 3:1)

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  23. Screw this chastity and celibacy noise! Katie, may God grant you a lifetime of love, happiness and intimacy with the person(s) of your choosing.

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  24. Proud to think of you as a friend, and inspired by your authenticity and transparency.

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  26. @Fr. Chris Larimer And also with you, Father, also with you.

    Love to you all. I am deeply grateful for your love and fellowship. May we all find peace.

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  27. We do love you and always have. Comprehension is not necessary for love.

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  28. If God made the human body and the immune system is improved my orgasms, than I'm sure S/He'd want us to be having them as often as possible, when safe, sane, and consensual. But them I'm just a gender fuck royalty performer who worships at Sephora and takes most of his cues from the Tao Te Ching, Ecclesiastes, and some Gospel passages, so what the hell do I know, right? ;D

    Much love,
    @NJrugger45

    PS: Fabulosity is an act of resistance.

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  29. Courageous and difficult move, Katie. And here's to hoping that in the years ahead you will know more and more of the love of Christ from the body of Christ.

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  30. This makes me cry, Katie. Not out of sadness but such profound admiration. I have always known you to be intelligent, creative, resourceful, and wickedly funny. Full of all around awesomeness in general. I had no idea how brave you are, though, until now. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. You have always demonstrated a strength of character, of purpose, and of integrity that commands attention. This is but one more layer of depth in a truly remarkable person. I'm so proud to know you.

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  31. I love your new blog, Katie. I so admire your courage and authenticity (as I did long before this post), and I am honored to be even a tiny part of your extended online "family." Grace, peace, and much love to you--always.

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  32. Grace to you, Katie, and peace. Your strength and integrity are a blessing. May God grant you strength for your journey.

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