Important Disclaimer

Since I currently have several employers/supervisors/churches/etc., please know that none of the words on my blog represent them or their beliefs. This blog is my own creation.

It also does not represent my children's perspective, nor my mother's; they think I am funny, but misguided.
(Quick update: only my mother thinks I'm funny now.)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Intimate Violence: Four of Us

Some friends have written in the last two days, by twitter, by email, by facebook. They have asked, "Are you okay?" wondering if my writing this month about intimate violence signifies a cry for assistance. I am well, friends. It has been quite a journey these last few years, but it was quite a journey for the many years before that. No, I am writing this month because we are too silent about intimate violence. I am in the mood to expose roaches to sunlight, to air out the house, to hang up the underwear on the outside line. I am in the mood to trust the fortitude of my neighbors, that they might stare unflinchingly into the abyss with me, knowing that it could be (and has been) many of us...

When I was in seminary a few of us started a support group for survivors of intimate violence. There hadn't been such a group for a long time, and as far as I know it disbanded when we graduated. But four of us met faithfully every two weeks for a year. Two beautiful women from Womanspace met with us. We prayed. We spoke. We heard one another. We sat in silence. We raged. We mourned. We made connections between what had happened in our own families with the dysfunction we found in seminary. We confirmed for one another that we weren't crazy.

Four of us met. Only four of us out of a student body of 500. I remember thinking that maybe there were only four of us who had ever experienced intimate violence. I felt sad, lonely, and a bit odd about that. On my more cynical days I decided that there were only four of us who cared enough to join together. I felt angry about that. Four of us met in a room that could have easily held 100. The four of us tapped into great spiritual power in those hours spent in that room. Imagine had more of you joined us.

So yes, I am well. I am simply not silent.


  1. Perhaps four who were brave enough to face the demons - whether their own or not. Perhaps four who were gaining the voice to be able to end the silence - whether soon after or now, as you are doing through this blog. I'm grateful that this is the time for you - and I'm grateful to be able to take it in and understand it more deeply from and in my own time and place.


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